Everything you need to know to make it to the altar with both you and your relationship in one piece.
Wedding planning is all about picking your battles. The key is knowing when to have an opinion, when to help and when to walk away. Millions of men get married every year and have lived to share the survival tactics we’ve laid out here.
Welcome to the madness of wedding planning. You probably have some questions: Wait, we’re spending Mk400,000.00 on a cake, which is made with flour and eggs?! Why does my fiancee — the intelligent, amazing woman I love — now talk about things like “teal” and “chiffon” ? And most important: What do I need to do? It’s easy to lose perspective, it’s easy to get confused, and it’s easy to get lured into debates, fights or even teary meltdowns that make no sense. (Who cares if it’s blue, teal or bluish? Teal is a serene colour. Wait, did I just say that?
Your Game Plan
So what’s important — and what do you actually need to do? Between now and D-Day, stick to this game plan and you’ll be set.
Draft and Manage Your Team:Choosing your groomsmen is like the ultimate fantasy football draft. You have a first-round pick (the best man), and then you fill out the roster with the rest of your best buds. A few guidelines: Even if you’re not close, include your brother (and hers — seriously). There’s no law that says you must have the same number of friends, as long as the final count isn’t you: 1; her: 12. When in doubt, friendship trumps etiquette. The latter is fungible; the former isn’t.
Pick the Music:This is an important one: The music can make or break the party, and if it’s bad, it can undo millions of kwacha worth of planning. Give the DJ a do-not-play list especially cake cutting time that includes T-Pains “I’m in love with a stripper,” “Divorce ya Janta ” and “Lady in Red.” Not only is that last one a cliché, but your bride won’t be in red. Awkward.
Choose Your Ring: How much cash have you blown on TVs, watches, Calsberg green or laptops? Those items are perishable (well, the Calsberg green is questionable). Your wedding ring is not. Make it a good one.
Get Fit: You’ll be photographed more on this day than on every other day in your life combined. The next week, you’ll be naked more than any other time in your life. ‘Nuff said.
Plan the Honeymoon: Take the lead on this job — it’s a winner. Unlike wedding planning, there’s no etiquette, no formalities. Book waaaaay in advance and consider a half ‘n’ half (where half the trip is adventure and half’s on the beach).
Your “Do Not Touch” List
For both your sakes, dodge all the bride-y stuff. Highlights include:
The invitations: When grooms get too involved with picking out the stationery, people die.
Coordinating the bridesmaid dresses and flowers: If you have an opinion on this, be sure to coordinate the flowers to your dress too.
Her dress: You should help her with her dress the day you let her draft your fantasy football team.
The cake: You’re the taster, not the decider. This is one of the all-time best deals that men have in life, right up there with not having to wear heels and being able to pee standing up.
The flowers: Cymbidium orchid, peony, geranium, Chinese lantern and Japanese lantern — those mean nothing to you? Good. That means you’re a groom.
Your Extra Credit
For when she’s super-stressed and you want to get back on her good side.
Surprise Her With A Massage Or flowers Or dinner. Not because you need to, or it’s a special occasion. Just…because.
Be A Buffer: So you have an overactive mother who wants to chime in on every decision, insisting that the cake is vanilla? Your mom, your problem.
Curb the Sarcasm: I know, trust me, I know — it’s hard not to laugh at all this. Your fiancee will be quoting articles like “900+ New Centerpieces!” (That’s not an exaggeration. This article exists.) But remember: Even though it seems silly, it’s hard work. While you have it easy, she has a new part-time job. At least pretend to be excited about the flowers or cake, and be thankful that she’s handling so much of the dirty work.
This article by Jeff Wilser originally appeared on theKnot.com